Today it's gonna get REALLY uncomfortable because we're gonna talk about
SEXUAL ASSAULT!
In November of my freshman year of college, I went on a date with a funny, cute, very smart boy who was in my Women's Studies course. For our purposes today, we'll call him Ted. Ted was charming, he was a feminist, he always contributed in class in a way that made me feel heard and important. He was perfect. Or not. But he was close.
I should've known it was gonna be a bad date when instead of going to a sit-down restaurant, he took me to the drive thru of a famous local burger joint called Mama Burger. We ate burgers in the car as we drove to a trailer park near campus to hang out and play frisbee with his friends. Besides the fact that I really hate frisbee, I was fine with this. Ted laughed and played, and I sat with his friend's girlfriend and their dog and talked and laughed. All in all, we weren't having a totally awful time. We decided to head to his house to watch a movie, and, let's be honest, probably make out. He was cute! He was funny! I was barely 18, and I was gonna enjoy myself on a date with this dude!
When we got to his house, I was greeted by his very cheerful dog, and we turned on The Avengers. We started kissing a little, and when I said no thank you to taking things further, Ted didn't listen. I'll spare you the details, but Ted didn't respect my boundaries and took advantage of me in ways nobody wants to be taken advantage in. Before we start asking "Why didn't you stop him?" know that he was a lot bigger and stronger than I am. Hard to believe because I'm basically a body builder, but you know, whatever.
After it was over, I asked him to take my home. He refused and started playing video games. I excused myself to the back yard to get some fresh air and texted my best friend in a panic, and she called her mom, who advised me to call the police. Right as I was dialing 911, Ted came outside and told me he was ready to take me home. A silent car ride and an awkward attempted goodnight kiss later (yes he tried to kiss me goodnight), I was back in my dorm.
I didn't tell anyone at the time. A few months later I started seeing a counselor. I told him what happened, and he gave me some valuable techniques to deal with what I was feeling.
It wasn't until about a week ago when a friend of mine was sexually assaulted that I realised I had to speak up. I am a survivor of sexual assault. I have been to hell and back.
I don't tell you these things because I want you to feel bad for me. I tell you because the odds are, someone reading this has experienced sexual assault as well. Some of you may have been the same as me and not had the courage to tell anyone. Some of you may never have experienced this, and for that, I am grateful. But some of you have. And to those of you who have known the fear and pain and sadness that comes with it, know that you are not alone. There are other survivors right alongside you. We are here. It is not your fault. You are not damaged or broken.
Statistically
1/10 children will be sexually abused before they reach 18.
1/5 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
1/71 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.
Let's be the change. Let's slash those numbers to ribbons. If you or someone you know is committing sexual assault or has been the victim of sexual assault, speak up!
If you have been the victim of sexual assault, you can reach out for help! Here are some numbers you can call:
Emergency Services: 911
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673
Or you can always call me if you just need to chat: 480-356-2121
In the mean time, stay safe. Remember that no means no. Someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot give consent. If you aren't sure if you have consent, play it safe. Be straight forward and ask the person you are with if they are comfortable with what is going on. If the answer is no, stop. If the answer is yes, go have some crazy, consensual fun.
Sources for the statistics on sexual assault:
http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.9314267/k.3928/Child_Sexual_Abuse_Statistics.htm
http://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf
